It was One O’ clock in the morning, as Taylor and I Tyrone; rode down on our Ridgeback Bikes through the dark streets on Brixton. The sky was dark and the air was misty as Taylor and I thought about getting something to eat. I was only 15 and hardly had a mind of how late is was and whether or not my mum was shaking to bits worrying about where I was ; all I cared about was doing my own thing , but whom would of known that one night would ruin my life and change it for the worst …
” Taylor for the 10th time can we go get some KFC I’m so hungry feel like I’m going to drop dead in a minute! ” I shouted angrily as he was being so defiant.
” Yes come on then and hurry up I’m tired and I urgently need my bed,” he said.
“Why are you so weak and tired when all you’eve done is lay in your bed playing PS4 , you know Taylor sometimes I wonder about your life and how you use your time so irresponsibly. You say you wan to make it somewhere in life but its like you don’t even care about your life. Taylor you need to fix up and do it fast because both of us are ruining ourselves , and were growing up quickly , we need to change ! ”
” Shut up Tyrone and up it a gear on your bike so we can get the food and I can go home. ”
” Have you just listened to anything I said or have you been day-dreaming and you just don’t care.” I said as I was tempted to just slap him for his immaturity.
Taylor and I have been Friends for years , ever since we were seven. Strangely , Taylor and I have always had a weird bond as we are best friends, and we both have things in common such as football and having a laugh, but the smoking was ruining our football careers as we both played for Arsenal Academy , but then again we have to make mistakes in life, as we are young and learn from them , but should we really or is it to late ?
It was no 2 O’ clock in the morning , Taylor and I were riding on our bikes towards his flat , when in all of sudden the lights started to flicker on the street. The road was like a wilderness deep through a forest where no human being had set foot, It was quiet , It was scary and my heart started thumping in anxiety as we rode down to ‘ Broadoak Court ‘ Taylor’s Flat. In the distance I could see a glowing figure , dressed in all black , but no face for some strange reason .
” Taylor can you see that figure in the distance,” I said.
” Since when does the lights on Barrington Road ever not work, and what’s that at the bottom of the road , glowing , looking like some sort of robot.” Taylor stated anxiously.
” Lets just get to your house because this is freaking me out , didn’t you just hear me say how that person in the middle of the road has no face, for goodness sake you don’t listen , we should just run away were going to be killed by a robot !”
For a moment I wondered if I was safe despite the fact my body was emerging me to go forward and put myself in danger. Suddenly , a blast of a gleaming white light blurred my eyes with pain and horror. After this terrifying moment it disappeared without a trace , without a sound and without a thought of where it could be.
Taylor ran into his Flat , shocked and shaken by what had happened . My mind was in shambles and my lips were trembling as I thought to myself. Why us ? Why now ? Why here ?
I decided to leave my bike with Taylor and walk home because I could barely feel my legs. Wearily, I walked sown the dark and foggy road where in a blink of an eye, I heard a strange voice.
” Tyrone , Tyrone , Tyrone, where you going its you best friend Taylor , dont panic.”
At an instant I stopped and glared around but I saw no one and my heart skipped a beat in anxiety. Quickly , I ran around the corner to find this person but saw no one. All of a sudden BANG, it was there right in front of me. I almost fainted on the spot as I looked at it and knew it was all over. It was the moment I looked at myself . I HAD BEEN CLONED AND IT IS OUT TO KILL ME AND TAKE OVER MY LIFE . THAT WAS THE END. I was scared thought it was going to kill me but it didn’t , It simply looked at me and blasted in the air , never to be seen again . Now my life is in a factory 24/7 and it may be this world for the rest of my life .
I AM A ROBOT , THE HUMAN TYRONE IS DEAD AND GONE, I AM A ROBOT NOW.
BY KELVIN ASAMOAH
February 27, 2015 at 5:15 pm
I really enjoyed your opening, it set a tone of mystery extremely well. It could easily unlock “Perfect Paragraph”, have a look at it and see how.
“It’s” is short for “It Is”
You don’t need to leave a space before a comma, only after it.
The rhetorical questions when you are building tension work very well to keep the momentum going.
Kelvin you have outdone yourself with the ending to this story, it has a dark poetry all of its own.
Achievement Unlocked!
March 8, 2015 at 1:07 pm
Kelvin I think this is an amazing story, I love the simile ‘the road was like a wilderness deep through a forest where no human being had set foot.
I love the ending as well it just seems as if the world has caved in on it self.
I just think you could improve it by giving more ideas for the big idea but apart from that great story.